My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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