yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
