I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
