she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
