All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize