Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
