Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
