You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
