why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
