I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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