Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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