I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize