I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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