I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
