we're blogging at a bar
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
