yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
