Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I still have a little drunk in my system
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
