You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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