Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize