someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
