Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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