I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
