What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
