I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
