if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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