Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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