Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize