Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
