WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
