so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
