why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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