I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize