He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
