why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
