SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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