I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
