I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
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