youre lurking in front of me
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
