So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
