i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
