brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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