if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
