Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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