told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
