you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
