My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
