I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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