Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she told me i tasted like america
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
