I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
