you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
