using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
