she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
