yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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