At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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