I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
