Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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