Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize