where am i from again
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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