the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
