Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The uberlube is also flammable
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
