u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We're too hungover to prance.
I need to calm my uterus...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
FUCK WHALES
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