I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
