do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
