SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
