You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
