Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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