i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize