for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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