Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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