oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think people are normalizing furries
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
