you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
