so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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