you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
