Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
God I need to hump something, right now.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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