Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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