Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
