At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
