and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
