he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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