I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
