No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
