i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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