Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
