You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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