I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
