matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
