In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
