so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
