Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
