I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
