I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I am naked and annoyed.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
