just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
