Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
