It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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