He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
