you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
