I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
