i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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