Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
