I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
