My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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