i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
